


I've been thinking

by creativwritingmind



Series: Two [29]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 04:32:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9531635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativwritingmind/pseuds/creativwritingmind





	

I never wondered how it would be after. All I wondered about was how it would be. And now, after we have finally melted together, all I can think about is if we shouldn't have let this secret untouched, burried in the depths of our fantasys, somewhere between desires and dreams. I'm glad you are asleep now, because once in my life I can't find the words I need to say, and if you were awake I'd probaby wouldn't have the courage I have now, tracing my hand up and down your sides, enjoying the soft sigh you give in your sleep. 

For years I have admired you now, from close and far, from night to day, from your brightest smiles to your bitterest tears. And still...you amaze me, with every step you take closer to my heart, every wall you break down in order to get to my soul. God, I whished I could have touched you like this sooner, connect us finally, in more then the mental way...I whish I had started to feel you long ago. 

Well, I did...in a way at least. I was sure you didn't recognise my gazes for a while, and when I started to let my touch linger...you choose to return it, with no hesitation, leaving me breathless every single time we just hugged or ensured each other in any kind of way.  
Still there was never any intention behind it, it was a random act of kindness between to souls that shared. I can't even pin when it began to mean more, to both of us, but I will certainly never forget this night, this moment, when you finally were brave enough to kiss me, more then myself. 

The thing is...I don't deserve you, while you deserve everything, the world. The thing is, I am not good enough. And still I know you'll be holding on to me and there's no way I can make you let go, not after tonight, not after you sleep so peacefully in my arms, finding safeness and love there. Still...I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry to do this to you. I should have been your friend, not your lover. We were not meant to be. They will reject us...I know that much. Of course Laura will hide her dissapointment, just like my own mum will, of course Bill won't say anything bad to our faces, neither will my dad. But they will be dissapointed and it will hurt you more then everything else. 

If I could, I would make this night undone. Not because I didn't enjoyed it, or because I don't love you – I do that, with all of my heart, all of my soul. But because the things that will follow, the consequences we will have to take, that will darken your features and hurt your pride. You were not meant to love me Joshua...still I thank god that you do.


End file.
